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No Photo, No Play
By Marc Freedman

See also Photos Required - Nine Reasons I don't Date Without Without 'Em

Some women (and men) still cling to the notion that if you need their photo, then you're likely not compatible. Or that you're just interested in their body.

Hello?!?! The time of the Dark Ages and arranged marriages is long gone. Welcome to the 21st century, love.

Now there are a few cases where withholding photos makes sense, if:

  • You're being polite and are not interested in another person,
  • You only actively date where YOU proactively search and make contact, and DON'T want others to find or contact you,
  • Or you don't take dating seriously.

Otherwise, refusing to exchange photos is a flawed strategy these days

Photos are no longer optional. In this day of the Internet 90% of serious daters of both sexes have a full profile with photos. They simply ignore people without photos as not being serious. If you don't post a photo, you reduce possible suitors by 80%. If you contact them and refuse to provide one, you're further reducing possible daters by another 80%.

Now you may cling to a noble aspect here, for example "I'm more attracted to personality, intelligence, golf handicap, or whatever than looks. Looks are superficial. So a photo should not be important."

That is soooooo wrong multiple ways

1. Such qualities are not exclusive. For example, a good match could have BOTH personality and be attractive or attracted to you.

2. That's your thinking, not necessarily that of others. Use whatever criteria to find your date on your own. But if you want others to find you, your refusal to provide a photo will strike many people as uncooperative, regardless of whether they are compatible or contact may lead to mutual interest.

3. Such a blind filter is illogical. If you could filter out people who are not a good match, that's one thing. But by indiscriminately restricting the people who contact you, you eliminate many who might be quite compatible.

4. YOU are the boss. Dating is a process. in which you post an anonymous profile, make or invite contact, exchange messages, graduate to the phone, and eventually meet someone in person. You control your online contact. The process gives you time to assess interest and compatibitility at a pace of your choosing.. If you're dating superficial people, it's not because of your or their photo, it's because you're not taking the time to get to know people and qualify them during the dating process.

The bottom line - dating is hard work. It's a game of numbers. You may have to:

  • Ssee 10,000 profiles to find 1,000 worth dating,
  • To talk with or see 100 who are ready, available, and responsive,
  • To date 10 where you have chemistry,
  • To find 1 special person for a relationship.

Reducing the dating pool by 90% makes dating a lot easier. But it also means you're 90% less likely to meet a great match. Is that really your intent?

Copyright 2001-6 Marc Freedman


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Copyright 2002 Marc Freedman and Lu Vorhies